I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
