If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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