I will die if light touches me.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
