My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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