Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
