Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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