she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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