yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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