he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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