the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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