How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
