How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Two words: nipple clamps
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