just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
