a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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