dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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