I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
