You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
