I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
