Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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