Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
