My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
