I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
