fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
