Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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