Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
