Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
