At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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