I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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