Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
