she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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