Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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