You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
