i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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