I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
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Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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