All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
