Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
