first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
