Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
