He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
