this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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