I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
