ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
