Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
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Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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