So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
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gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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