i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
