Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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