now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
