LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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