Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
