Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
