Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
