There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
