I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
