it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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