Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
