Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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