I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
now i know why i became what i already was.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
