Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
