12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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