I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
