Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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