ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
