Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
