If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
