I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
