So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
