we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Randomize
