Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
