My hand turned me down
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize