3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Blood and glitter go together right?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
