Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
