I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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