I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
