Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
