3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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