There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
