you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
