well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
