none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Randomize
