She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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