why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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