Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
