I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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