Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
