Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
