Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
