not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
bring money and cleavage
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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